I WILL LIVE UNTIL I DIE
I will live until I die, but I will not die before I’m dead. Having advanced almost three score and nine into this life I find life to be a most important consideration. Life in the sense of “living” rather than “life or death”. Taking what is here-now and enjoying that to the fullest.
As a child I had no concept of what life was except that it was. In mid-life I lived with an arrogant possession of it, some thought without any consideration of tomorrow. Others just shook their heads in wonderment and let me go on. My boss, Corps of Engineers Colonel, saying “You’re so far out on the cutting edge you’re slipping in the blood”. My theory was if you want more do more. If the candle isn’t bright enough, light the other end. Do more? Cut the candle and light those ends.
Then I had an incident. Excruciating pain in my back and chest. I couldn’t expand my chest to draw a breath. Want more, do more. I quickly took up diaphragmatic breathing (stick your tummy out when you breathe in) and avoided suffocation. After about 6 weeks the Chiropractor saw something he didn’t like, the Internist didn’t like it either nor did the Cardio-Vascular surgeon. This incident is a Type IIIB aortic dissection, which at the time meant nothing to me.
This is where an attitude adjustment is supposed to come in. With that name I could go to the Merck Manual and look it up. Very interesting statistics. 80% die in the first 30 days with an additional 12% to follow within 5-years. Wow, an 8% 5-yr survival rate! Guess I should be thinking in the sense of life or death, right? Got some positive reinforcement along those lines. John Ritter and Lucy were both in the 30 day majority. A retired Doctor asked, “What’s it like living with a time bomb in your body?” followed by “I’d rather have cancer”. (Not sure but I think he must have been a proctologist.) A contrasting opinion came from a friend’s bridge opponent, a practicing physician. “He has what? He’s still alive? He’ll live a long time. Two spades.”
I pondered my options for two or three seconds. I was here-now. Life had always meant living. I decided it still did. My Doctor knowing my weekend recreational activity was building retaining walls out of 8’ railroad ties gave me a 50# lifting limit. Also knowing I had lived in big snow country (Green Bay, Michigan’s UP, and Colorado’s mountains) said no snow shoveling! Shucky darn. Two restrictions I’ll have to learn to live with.
I still run across those who know nothing about me but are of the same opinion as that proctologist, that I am lucky to be alive. (Emphasis on lucky, not alive!) I allow them their thought with the caveat that it ends at my nose. To those who listen I tell them that I will live until I die – and I will not die before I’m dead.
Richard Lemke
