MY LEGACY FOR CARING
A legacy from my Dad was the importance of one’s “presence” at the wake/funeral of relatives, special friends, and co-workers in our lives.
When I was about ten, Doris, a special girl friend, close to my age, lived nearby. After a long illness, Doris died of a brain tumor. We both were attending Rainbow School, a one-room school for grades primary through eighth. While she was ill, I had a hard time understanding why she didn’t want to play any more, why she got sicker and sicker. Going to visit her always left me very sad and very confused. I often cried after we left their home. Life just didn’t seem fair!
When Doris went to live with Jesus, I was even more overwhelmed. Then there was talk of her funeral. Of course, Dad explained that he and Mom would be attending, and he felt that my brother and I should go with them. And, he further explained that I should be brave enough to share a few words with Doris’ parents, on my own, and he shared a few ideas of things to say. I did go up and said a few words, but I have no idea what I said, or whether it was appropriate. Then I ran (not walked) back to Mom and Dad. I do vaguely remember that her parents gave me a smile, and they told me how glad they were that I came. Also, my parents confirmed that I had done the right thing.
Later, when we were home, Dad and Mom explained that it was not real important what I said. Dad believed the important thing was “our presence,” which let the people know we cared deeply, and chose to be with them during a difficult time.
As the years passed by, I never forgot what he said. He and Mom always seemed to be there for the special people in their lives. Dad certainly was a very special person in my life. And many years late, after my husband’s death, my pastor encouraged me to take “Befriender Training” at Genesis Hospital, Davenport. We met once a week for nine months. I learned much in these classes, as they were very interesting and informative. Then I was qualified to call on hospital patients. Every visit was unique. Some patients have concerns about life and health issues. I listen carefully to their stories. I often pray with them. And I really feel blessed when they thank me for visiting them! I have been a “Befriender” for ten years.
I feel Dad’s encouragement to be “a presence”, and learning to listen carefully to peoples’ stories, has enriched my life in many ways. I have met so many interesting people. I will always be grateful for growing up in a home with caring values.
Thanks Dad for sharing the importance of being “a presence” at an early age. You were the greatest!
Ann Duede
